I'm Wa!

Welcome to my world of thoughts. Most of the time, I'm just talking to myself. Oh ya, I love foods so much and I hope I can share whatever it is that related to foods in here besides my thoughts. Thank you for visiting!

Wednesday, December 16, 2020

Maybe Not Now



bismillah

actually I did write something else
but then I decided to keep it to myself
because of the recent case 
so this is not the right time
to share something like that
part of me reminds myself about 5th verse of ikrar kesatria

it's raining now and I'm struggling to keep myself warm
because I did turn the AC on
memanglah sejuk kan?

oh, sebenarnya aku nak share gambar
tapi entahlah kan
paranoid sangat
better be safe than sorry
orang zaman sekarang bukan boleh caya
so nanti-nantilah aku share
kalau aku rasa nak share

hey, it's Sushi Bonanza week!
and I did going twice already hahaha
tak lupa jugak, semalam birthday anak buah aku
dah setahun dia hidup
sabarlah nak, don't grow up so fast
nanti dah besar, nak jadi kecik balik

entah apa bendalah aku nak merapu tengah-tengah malam ni kat sini
dah lah
tak ada idea ni 
tido lagi bagus

adios!

Wednesday, December 2, 2020

Almost A Wrap



bismillah

hari ni Spotify bagi 2020 Wrapped
jadi aku nak share sikitlah apa yang aku selalu dengar dekat Spotify aku
basically I have spent 24 417 minutes listening to Spotify
amazingly my top artist is Ustaz Dzulkarnain
and followed by Linkin Park
it's nothing to be proud of, of course
and this #2020Wrapped is nothing to prove
at least for me

my top song was "Had Enough" by G-Eazy
well, it's just me, nothing to do with people around me
and I kinda did listen to "Humko Hamise Chura Lo" quite a time
I mean, we all have our own preferences to everything in life, right
so you do you, and I do me
just respect each others' choices
that will do

after seeing this list made by Spotify
sometimes I wonder, why do I listen to that particular song almost every day
and every time I listened to Spotify, why did I listen to the same song?
but we can't change how we are, can we?
like lately I've been into French songs 
but Spotify didn't really count that, maybe they did but why bother?

what I'm trying to say is sometimes we tend to change ourselves
just to prove to everyone that we are not what statistics showed us our true colour
we can always be in denial
we don't want people to see us as vulnerable as we thought people does 
and to change ourselves just to be that perfect person is tiring
but we still do because we are afraid of what people think of us
which actually means we are afraid of ourselves

this is me talking about myself
I did thought of this image of myself after knowing my #2020Wrapped
I don't want to share it at first 
but actually no one cares about me
so I did share it on my instagram 
of course with some insecurity of being judged by my families and friends

this image I'm talking about is maybe some of my friends thought that I'm an open book
or maybe someone extrovert
but what if I'm an unpredictable open book? 
you know for sure what open book is, but sometimes you can't read it
because it's cryptic and complicated

yes, I do have trust issues
like a lot
and while typing this made me teary
I don't know if I want to continue opening up in this blog
but this always make me cry
never fails

that's it, I don't want to talk about me too much
people don't notice, don't bother proving yourself
just let it slide
no one cares

adios

Friday, November 20, 2020

Memories



bismillah

ini bukanlah lirik lagu Maroon 5 yang famous tahun lepas
it's just something yang aku tengah fikir sekarang
this is an update for another day of my boring life
it was scheduled, yes
kenapa? sukati akulah kan :P

past days, I'm forcing myself menghafal satu lagu French ni
kelakar sebab effort gilaa nak menghafal benda yang aku tak reti baca, tak reti sebut
aku dah install app Memrise untuk belajar French dengan lebih lanjut 

so this is the song with the title Si T'es Pas La by M. Pokora
actually before this I've heard his song Juste Une Photo De Toi back in 2016
that song was released in 2010, and I was 6 years late
this Si T'es Pas La was released last year and luckily I watched MTV EMA 2020 winners
that is when I found out about him because he won Best French Act 
in that MTV EMA 2020 video was Danse Avec Moi 
that song really made me smile for no reason
don't mind me, I can be this weird 



Si T'es Pas La by M. Pokora


you guys can watch the video and yeah, Google the lyrics up
I won't provide the lyrics here because it will take time for you guys to read
French can be difficult, right?
I just want to share with you guys that my favorite part starts at 2:37 where the lyric goes something like this ... 

        Ã€ toi
        Qui ne m'entends pas
        Ã€ toi
        Qui n'es toujours pas là
        Ã€ toi
        Qui fais valser mon cÅ“ur
        Pour toi
        J'n'aurai plus jamais peur


fuhh, aku menghafal part tu sebab aku rasa cool dan makna dia pun syahdu deep jugaklah
dan disebabkan rumah ni punya wifi masih tak helok lagi 
aku terpaksa pakai mobile data aku sebagai wifi untuk laptop aku
oh, ni nak cerita kenapa post ni tajuk dia gitu

sambil aku layan game Cooking Diary sebab nak push rank bak kata gamers sedunia
aku nak jimat bateri fon tapi nak dengar lagu
so aku bukalah lagu dekat laptop aku 
lagu yang kinda outdated sebab aku pakai Spotify sekarang
tak mainlah download-download lagu dah 
kira macam tak relevan dah zaman sekarang

but then, banyak je lagu-lagu yang aku simpan tu
aku macam kenal, macam pernah dengar, ada yang aku tak pernah dengar pun
pastu aku wonder sendiri
lagu yang once upon a time selalu jadi siulan semua orang
sekarang tak ada siapa heran dah dengan lagu tu

pada akulah kan, lagu-lagu or even movies yang aku pernah dengar dan tonton
semuanya ada nilai estetikanya sendiri 
boleh menyingkap beribu memori, berjuta perasaan
ibaratnya sekarang aku tengah dengar lagu "Flashlight" nyanyian Jessie J
fuhh ni tahun bila punya lagu
apa yang aku ingat tentang lagu ni adalah movie Pitch Perfect 
dan tahun aku menghabiskan diploma

like I told you guys in my previous post
2015 was hella great year
seriously banyak kenangan masa tu 
dan kebanyakan kawan-kawan diploma aku dah beranak pinak dah sekarang
aku tak kisah sangatlah kan
rezeki masing-masing, ikutlah

and then sampai sekarang, lagu "Flashlight" tu masih ada yang nyanyikan
cuba bayangkan lagu yang tak berapa nak famous
agak-agak ada ke orang ingat?
dan tahun ni, to be honest terlalu banyak lagu yang merapu
terutamanya lagu yang dipopularkan oleh aplikasi TikTok
ugh, habis rosak lagu yang menggamit memori

kalau aku dengar lagu or tengok movie
aku suka untuk fahamkan diri aku tentang apa sebenarnya nak disampaikan oleh pembuat lagu or filem
kat situ aku boleh belajar macam-macam
but well, terpulang kepada pendapat individu
ada yang suka macam tu, ada yang suka macam ni
ikutlah masing-masing
aku tak boleh nak paksa semua orang berfikiran macam aku

sekarang aku tengah layan series "Crown" dekat Netflix
tengah Season 2 padahal sekarang dah Season 4
tak apa, slow-slow nak digest cerita tu 
sebab melalui series tu, aku belajar yang jadi anak raja ni payah
I mean, some of us mungkin nampak "oh, anak raja, untunglah kaya" 
hakikatnya, anak raja ni dia kena fikir cakap-cakap ahli parlimen, rakyat jelata sebelum buat sesuatu
like dorang tak ada kelebihan macam rakyat biasa 
what they wear, what they do, semua orang dah siapkan 
macam senang, tapi bosan, tak bebas

dalam series ni jugaklah aku belajar quote paling deep kononnyalah

To do nothing is the hardest job of all, and it will take every ounce of energy that you have 

tu pesanan nenda Queen Victoria kepada Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II masa awal-awal jadi queen
lepas tu bila ada masalah negara disebabkan oleh ahli politik buat taik
Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II told her PM masa tu something like her grandmother did

To do nothing is often the best course of action

punyalah nak emphasize tugas seorang raja atau permaisuri ni bukanlah untuk fikirkan hal remeh-temeh yang hanyalah memeningkan kepala mereka
mereka ada negara untuk dijaga, bukan perasaan siapa-siapa
jadi kadang-kadang bukan raja atau permaisuri ni tak tahu atau tak kisah
banyak benda lain yang perlukan perhatian
hati sendiri pun belum tentu ada orang jaga
macam YDPA masa Tan Sri Muhyiddin nak isytihar darurat 
baginda YDPA kena fikirkan rakyat, bukannya nak jaga hati ahli politik
sebab tu darurat yang tak diperlukan tu tak diluluskan oleh baginda


hmmm aku ni kalau merapu, macam ni lah jadinya
entah apa-apa entah disembangkan
elok-elok cerita pasal lagu, movie, tetiba beralih ke hal politik
hmmmm bosan sangat dah ni 


oh aku ingatkan nanti nak up lah sikit-sikit gambar dekat sini 
menghiasi blog yang bosan ni
mana tahu ada yang baca, berminat nak jadi PSS (pegawai simpanan sukarela) 
tapi sebelum jadi PSS kenalah merasa jadi kadet dulu
jangan risau, kalau sejenis yang keras hati tapi boleh dengar arahan orang tu sangatlah dialu-alukan


sembang pasal things related to army thingy macam ni kan
kesian pulak aku dengan junior aku
patutnya tauliah tahun ni
tapi disebabkan covid, kena tunda pentauliahan dorang
tak ke naya tahun depan pentauliahan dua kali?
kesiannn kesiannn 


okay, that's it
phir milenge chalte chalte
ciao!





Wednesday, November 18, 2020

A Little Throwback Wouldn't Hurt



bismillah

with "Gone" by Blake Rose as my background song, I'm gonna write this post while reminiscing about this blog
this blog started back in 2011, when I was 16y/o 
and now, I'm 26
but I don't think I write as much as I should for 10 years old of blog
and my blog seems so mundane 

but whatever, it's just a place for me to rant, to lash out
somewhere that I know people wouldn't really know about me
now "If This Is The Last Time" by LANY is playing
this song goes to those who knows me in real life
we could have been better, but well, life goes on

2011 was kinda sad, because someone I knew passed away
I never knew, actually we never really know that any moment could be the last time we see each other
that is one thing that teaches me to kind to anyone, no matter what
at least if it's the last time for us to do something good, ALHAMDULILLAH
we never know about future, right?

2012 was my SPM year, my first-time-working-year
another year for going away, but not that far
tahun yang buat aku frust bila I've done my best but still no one appreciate 
like duhh, you're not getting that 4 flat, so why would people bother?

2013 was my first-SonyZR-year 
actually I wanted Sony Z1, but well, it wasn't cheap and money don't grow on tree
also I'm amazed how I was actually thought about everything back then
it's funny why I didn't want a Samsung or an iPhone
should've gone with iPhone HAHAHA you dumb

2014 was my internship year 
and ALHAMDULILLAH, I still keep in touch with them
they are nice people, sometimes they are just acquaintances that may be useful 
I was paid while interning there, and most of the time I do filing jobs
it's boring and well, that's what intern do

2015 finally I finished my diploma years
although not with flying colors, but at least my pointer is quite good
"well done, beta" might be something that I'll never hear 
I also got my driving license this year and well, it's not too late, right?
I think this year also a year where I started working
so stressed that made me lost weight 
so many movies I watch this year and one of them was Inside Out
and now I'm thankful for 2015 
ALHAMDULILLAH




2016 wasn't in the list of my blog
yup, I didn't post anything to update my life that particular year
that was the year where I'm applying to further my studies
the year where I decided to join Reserved Training Officer Unit (ROTU) Air Force under Royal Malaysian Air Force 
I always wanted to be in uniform and this was an opportunity for me
sumpah buat muka tak malu je masa tu, buat hati kental sikit lah
so many things happening in 2016 but I didn't even write a thing about it 
what a waste!

2017 was almost the same like 2016
I wrote only one post but it was so short and random
like it was nothing
now I'm mad at myself
eeeeee.... geramnya kenapa tak tulis blog hari-hari
oh yea, this year two of my sisters got married
dan aku tak ada tulis apa-apa langsung 
biasalah, more to Instagram masa tu




2018 was the year where I got two beautiful nieces
one was born in February, and the other one was in May
I don't want to share their photos as you know what it is "evil eye", right?
I can be that paranoid but better be safe than sorry, right?

2019 was last year
the happiest year (at least for me) where I was commissioned at UTM by HRH Crown Prince of Johore, like OMGGGGGG my dream came true
tak sia-sia aku bangun 0430H semata-mata untuk berpanas depan HRH Major General Tunku Ismail
ingat senang ke nak tengok anak raja depan mata ouuuiii 
then my eldest sister got married this year 
sempatlah berkumpul ramai-ramai sebelum majlis
tahun 2019 jugaklah aku merasa macam mana Majlis Makan Malam Rejimental (MMR) or simply called as Mess Night by those who served in ATM 
tahun ni jugaklah aku rasa sedih sebab most of my squad dah habis belajar, konvo
happy for them but it's kinda sad that our time has up  
sedar tak sedar, Covid-19 start it's mission
ughhh




2020 hampir ke penghujung
tahun yang aku expect I will get married
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA jokes on you 
konon nak tarikh cantik sempena birthday sendiri 
it's true, the date was a mirrored number
02022020 dan hari Ahad, what a perfect date for something like that
tapi berangan je lahhh jemah ooiii 
nak kahwin, pergi cari duit sendiri
jangan nak susahkan anak orang

tak lama lagi nak Disember
tapi aku cuma ada 6 (termasuk ni 7) post
patutlah blog ni takde sapa nak lalu
cubalah buat resipi ke review movie elok-elok ke
konfem ada je yang lalu
oh ya, blog aku ni takde iklan kan? 
seronok ah kalau nak nengok resipi ke apa
nantilah kalau aku rajin sikit
sebab tengah serabut dengan entah apa-apa dalam kepala ni
benda simple tapi entahlah kan
kalau benda dalam kepala ni boleh tunjuk kat orang
orang pun nak muntah agaknya

well, panjang jugak sesi terobek aku pasal blog ni
tak nak baca tak apa lah
aku pun tak letak iklan sini sebab tahu memang tak ada sapa nak baca
perasan je ada orang nak curi idea ke identiti ke apa
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA banyak sangat tengok movie ni

ok adios 
ciao! 
phir milenge chalte chalte
I used to say that at the end of my blog 
it means "we will meet again as time goes by"
lebih kurang macam "sampai masa nanti kita jumpa lagi" 
haa gitu
kkkkk aku nak tidur ni 
bonne nuit 

Saturday, November 7, 2020

Random Rant on Parenting



bismillah

aku dan random bukan sesuatu yang asing
jadi, hari ni aku nak buat satu post yang kinda random sebab lately I've been thinking about it
p.s: this post might be annoying for some, because of my Manglish, but whatever
last night, no, earlier this morning I watched Kids Baking Championship on Food Network
obviously that was the only channel that I can tolerate when I'm at home
so it was actually a finale for those three kids 
which one of them would be crowned as Kids Baking Championship Season 6 (if I'm not mistaken)
that little girl name was Paige and she was 11 years-old

perhaps you guys still wondering what is so random about this post
please read until the end, and you'll know
the moment when the judges screaming Paige's name, I was in that awe moment
maybe more to "awwwhhhh" moment
which almost happy, sad, jealous, all in one
I mean, she's only 11, and won about USD 25K for what she's passionate about
while me? 26 years-old, sitting there and looking so pathetic 
not that I'm not grateful for my life
but it could have been better, right?
it always can be better than what I have right now

even when I'm watching Ninja Warriors, sometimes I get that feeling too
I'm jealous of how the contestants' families cheer for their loved one
Restaurant Impossible? that will always make my eyes teary
although some of them were underpaid, overworked, and even had a fight with each other
but at least they are still together to pursue the same dream
get it now?

once upon a time, when I was a little girl
I used to admire those in uniform
because people respect the uniform more than the people itself
growing up, I was forced to do things that kids my age wouldn't be able to do it
but I can because I was being told that I'm not like the other kids
and somehow I blame that for taking away few inches from my height
because if I had that ideal height, being in military or police is the first thing I'd do
but I can't because I'm obviously too short to enlist and people like to make fun of my height  
other than that, no one in my family, especially woman, ever be in that field

you know, this random post is actually to highlight that
sometimes family or maybe parents can be your dream crusher too
perhaps your parents wanted you to be a teacher because they are teachers
some of parents always pushing their kids to get a place in government sector because they used to be government's servant
they know the perks being one, and the probability of not being fired for whatever bullshit you'll do
I mean, why, as a parent, anyone would force their kids to go through whatever they have been through?
we live this life differently
and our paths will never be the same no matter how hard you try
because at the end of the day, are you happy with that?
as cliche as it gets, some might answer with "as long as my parents happy, I'm more than happy"

happiness is nothing to do with what others feel about you 
your happiness matter and even if you're trying so hard to please people around you
they will always compare you to someone better
and you will always struggling to find that happiness
if that is your definition of happiness, carry on
little did we know, those who are struggling to make others happy
they are really, really, really lonely inside 
it's like they have a hole inside their heart
and nothing can fill the void as long as they rely on that definition of happiness

ever watched 3 Idiots where Aamir Khan is the lead role?
yes, that is how our society is
always trying to mold our kids to become what we cannot be
never ask what are they want to be
it sucks you know?
having your own dream, and your own parents didn't gave their blessing
I mean, it's more heartbreaking that the parents never listen to their own kids
and goes around telling people that they know their kids better
while when at home, the kids always in their own room 
not even spending time together
right, if that is what "I know my kids better"
I have no argument because I'm not a parent yet
and to be one, I know, it's hard
emotionally, mentally, spiritually tiring
that is why I think that I'm not fit to be a parent
well, at least for now
because I don't want my kid(s) to feel whatever feeling that I've been through

I want to be there with them, no matter what situation it is
I want they love me more than they love their friend
I want to always be their ears to listen to how their days going
and I want that they will always remember me 
even if I'm dead, they still reliving the memories of me
I want that kind of bond, love, and appreciation
and for that, I won't go against whatever they want to be
as long as I'm the first person they're letting know whatever they have been through
as long as they remember that we will be together till forever and hereafter

maybe I'm being ridiculous
but whatever
I don't want to be a dream crusher 
if you can't support, at least bless them 
pray for their best, be there with them
be it their recital or just a friendly match for their soccer team
shout it out loud that they have your support no matter what people say
either they are winning or losing, it doesn't matter
what matter is you are there with them, for every moment
kids remember every single thing
and it will be their core memory
which always be in their mental image of what kind of person you are
you'll surely set an example in their mind that one day they want to be like you 
or maybe better, and who knows if you'll live long enough to see you grand kids?

what I'm trying to say is love begin at home
kids is the consequences of act of love, right?
some may not, but God forbid, I hope they will be loved
unloved kids will grow up thinking that they are just a burden, unwanted, and unappreciated
some might become heartless, emotionless 
some might become too fragile to handle
life is already hard
just don't make it hard for your kids by denying their need of your love
and when you're old, you blame them because they ignore you
remember, you ignored them first

till then
I'm sorry if I'm too random, being so sensitive
y'know what I mean
take care, stay healthy, and stay safe everyone! 

Monday, April 27, 2020

Buat



bismillah

ini adalah yang aku randomly terfikir
lepas sahur gitulah
dalam mamai-mamai aku gagahkan jugak
so, inilah hasilnya
terimalah~


Jangan rasa kita berbuat
Walau kita memang ada buat
Terutamanya dalam soal amal ibadat
Takut riak bila orang lihat
Risau pahala tidak dapat
Bimbang iman tergugat
Bila kita rasa kita berbuat
Mula rasa diri hebat
Salam dihulur tangan dijabat
Senyum manis itu yang terlihat
Tanpa sedar sudah bertukar niat
Mulanya baik jadi jahat
Nasihat diberi bayaran dapat
Kita mahu diberi pangkat 
Diundang ke majlis istiadat
Ingin disanjung masyarakat
Nama disebut merata tempat
Ke mana pergi orang ingat
Kerana kita rasa kita sudah berbuat
Bila dipuji terasa lazat
Sakit hati saat diumpat
Semua orang dirasakan pengkhianat
Tapi baik sekali dengan sahabat
Anak isteri dibiar merempat
Ujian dirasakan musibat
Bila senang, kufur nikmat
Halal haram semua disebat
Apa di depan mata langsung dirembat
Tapi soal cukai cepat saja mengelat
Diam-diam jadi derhaka dalam taat
Bertaubatlah sekarang masih sempat
Takut kelak bila dah terlambat
Kau sudah ditanya malaikat
Waktu itu tiada teman rapat
Hanya berbantalkan tanah mampat
Kembalilah pada-NYA jika mahu selamat
Moga terus diberi hidayat
Agar kekal soleh sepanjang hayat
Tetaplah berbakti kepada umat
Walau jadi bahan keji umpat
Itu pahala yang tak terlihat
Betulkan hati dan jua niat
Agar amal jadi berkat
Bukan kerana kita yang berbuat
Bukan harapkan syurga yang kita dapat
Tapi untuk menjadi hamba yang taat
Kerana sebaik-baik manusia adalah yang memberi manfaat
Ingatlah ALLAH tiap saat
Kerana DIA kita kuat 
Untuk DIA kita beribadat
Tanpa DIA kita hanyalah jamadat

- eidaadie 
   271740 APR 2020

Saturday, April 25, 2020

Ramadhan 1441H

bismillah
salam Ramadhan Mubarak!
semoga Ramadhan kali ini lebih baik dari sebelumnya
maaf terlambat tapi better late than never kan?

baiklah
bila aku tengok balik blog sepi aku ni
dulu aku selalu share movie apa yang aku tengok
so I thought why stop?
I should've keep on make my own list of movies that I watched

ingatkan nak cantikkan blog
tapi haihhh sumpah tak rajin
kalau nak tengok blog lawa yang mengakibatkan aku nak beautify blog aku
ni haa blog cantik sila klik untuk ke blog beliau
kemas je, jealous iolls

back to movies that I watched
so hmmm banyak jugak movie yang aku dah tengok
ada yang aku terus buang
ada yang simpan sebab sayang
okay, let's go!

My rating : 7/10
Genre : Adventure, drama

1. THE CALL OF THE WILD ( 2020 )

I don't know about you guys 
tapi one thing for sure, anjing memang bijak kan?
this movie menceritakan perjalanan hidup anjing yang bernama Buck
logik tak logik tu malas ah nak kira
tapi this dog makes me want to have one 
if and only if lah kann 


My rating : 6/10 
Genre : Comedy, crime

2. MISS AND MRS. COP ( 2019 )

beralih ke Korea Selatan sekejap 
this movie quite funny and bodo bodo sikit lah 
citer pasal adik-beradik ipar yang kerja sebagai polis
part bagi aku paling best bila dia cakap, "aku malu mengaku diri sebagai polis"
kenapa cakap macam tu?
tengoklah kenapa 


My rating : 6/10
Genre : Romantic, drama 

3. TOMORROW I'LL DATE WITH YESTERDAY'S YOU ( 2016 )

kita ke Jepun pulak 
cerita ni ada banyak nama
My Tomorrow, Your Yesterday lah 
ah, tak kisahlah 
dah lama terperuk dalam laptop aku
lama betul tapau baru dapat tengok malam semalam
agak sentimental, and by sentimental please understand okay how it will go
bagi aku sedih jugaklah 
ok, nak nangis jap 


My rating : 4.8/10 
Genre : Comedy

4. LIKE A BOSS ( 2020 )

this one, more like girly movie
but with some bad jokes 
aku minat Rose Byrne dengan Tiffany Haddish
so both of them sangatlah awesome
cerita yang mengajar sebenarnya kita perlu hidup bertoleransi
jangan ego sangat although kena stand strong for ourselves 
also ada ajar sikitlah pasal business
jangan mudah terpedaya dengan janji manis


My rating: 6.5/10
Genre : Animation, musical

5. TROLLS WORLD TOUR ( 2020 )

siapa yang tak follow Trolls daripada awal, sila berbuat demikian
kang makin tak faham pulak
well, I am very pissed dengan Poppy
annoying macam biasa
also when she said, "why you think bad of someone you never met?"
duhh! girl, you need to grow up!
the world doesn't seems as it is
anyway, enjoy je sebab animasi kan?


My rating : 4.5/10 
Genre : Romance, drama

6. ENDINGS, BEGINNINGS ( 2020 )

biasa tengok abe Bucky dalam Marvel series kan?
kita tengok dia dalam movie ginian
masa aku tengok movie ni, 20 minit pertama tu aku dapat rasa apa yang perempuan tu rasa
tiba-tiba aku jadi sedih
because I can relate to her, like how people around you have their own success story
while you? 
people said that you are the mess who make a mess everywhere you go
and when you fucked up
siapa je yang sudi hulurkan tangan kan?
ughh aku jadi emosi jap
abis tengok aku delete 

My rating: 5.8/10
Genre : Animation, family, comedy

7. SONIC THE HEDGEHOG( 2020 )

ohh this one I actually don't want to watch
especially when reading comment section at Youtube after they releasing the trailer
but then I enjoyed this movie
geram je tengok Jim Carrey dalam ni
nasib baik tak pakai suara Ryan Reynolds


My rating: 5/10
Genre: Drama, romance

8. LOVE, WEDDING, REPEAT ( 2020 )

this one sebab ada Sam Claflin tu pasal laa aku layan
kelakar sebab dia main probability and what if's
tapi hidup ni adil ke? 


enough for today
I'm going to have my iftar
till then, take care!

ampun maaf dunia akhirat 
ciao!

Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Ikhlas



bismillah

actually lately banyak benda jadi yang buat aku ragu-ragu
ragu-ragu dengan apa yang aku lakukan
sama ada ianya ikhlas aku tidak
ALLAH saja tahu

and tonight
it hits me again
so, I cooked the meal like usual
that wasn't nothing to mention
like, seriously I love to cook, so I don't mind

what I mind is when I cooked that particular dish
obviously for me and only me
there's someone else who take it as if  I cook that dish for all
excuse me? that wasn't for anyone else but me
can't you see that I put it in front of me because I want it alone for myself

GOD knows how much I hold myself not to blurt the words out
something like, "hey, it's mine. I bought it alone and I cooked it specifically for me"
and yeah, call me people pleaser, but some people have small heart
if I did so, that person later would not sit down and eat together
ugh! I'm in such a dilemma

okay, maybe it's not that hard
but ugh! I BOUGHT IT WITH MY OWN MONEY AND PEOPLE CAN JUST TAKE IT AS IF THEY HAVE THEIR SHARE???!!!
I know, I know, I know
if I'm so mad, I should've let that person know
oh my God! I'm not that brave

aku tak nak marah
tapi bila aku sakit hati, memang tak pakai BM dah
English all out tapi hmmm
yeah, I'm that person who will be silent if I'm mad
aku akan geram sendiri, kadang-kadang menggigil sebab tahan marah
boleh jadi sampai nak nangis jugak lah

berbalik kepada tajuk entri
yeah, ikhlas kah aku bila aku sebenarnya tak nak kongsi pun makanan aku dengan orang lain?
but there's a part of me so thankful that I "shared" the food with others
at least the food is not wasted
dan semua orang kenyang

tapi sebahagian daripada diri aku menidakkan benda tu
something like, "at least she asked for my permission"
I mean, aku memang manusia yang banyak itu ini
kalau nak, bagitahu
tak nak pun kena bagitahu
orang tak tahu kalau kau tak cakap

dalam situasi aku ni aku jadi dilema sebab kalau aku cakap orang jadi kecil hati dengan aku
memanglah apa benda yang aku cakap tu tak salah
cause it's my right to tell something that causes me to be uneasy with her
aku kenal sangat dengan dia
kalau aku cakap, mahunya masak sendiri-sendiri lepas ni
I wouldn't want that to happen
lagi-lagi nak puasa ni

jadi, aku serahkan soalan keikhlasan aku ni kepada-NYA
biar ALLAH yang hakimi aku
aku tak mampu nak jadi baik tiap masa
aku cuba, tapi orang still cakap aku jahat
alang-alang orang dah kenal sangat aku jahat, biarlah aku tetap jahat di mata orang
biar orang tertentu je tahu aku macam mana

aku pun sedia maklum yang ikhlas itu rahsia ALLAH
ibarat semut hitam di atas batu hitam di dalam gua di tengah malam
takkan nampak dengan mata kasar
dan sejujurnya, aku tak mahu berbangga dengan apa yang aku lakukan
mintak jauh ya ALLAH

tiap hari aku berlawan dengan diri aku sendiri
kalau-kalau apa yang aku buat sekadar minta dipuji
mintak jauh ya ALLAH
aku tak mahu semua itu
ikhlaskanlah hati aku
sedih dengan diri sendiri
jadi aku pilih untuk diamkan saja

sekian
ampun maaf zahir batin dunia akhirat
till then
take care

Monday, April 20, 2020

PKP? So what?

bismillah
salam alaik pembaca budiman
maafkan kerana menghilang tanpa pesan


baiklah
aku sebenarnya dah lost count hari ni hari ke berapa Perintah Kawalan Pergerakan (PKP)
tapi yang pasti, lebih dekat sebulan
atau mungkin lebih
aku pun dah tak pasti


memandangkan hanya terperap dalam rumah
mula-mulanya kami serumah makan dua kali sehari
lunch dan dinner
kemainn kauu hahaha


but then lama-kelamaan, kami fikir makan sekali sehari mungkin cukup
maybe more than enough
jadual tidur pun dah ke laut
lunch patutnya paling lambat jam 2 petang
tapi pernah jadi, lunch jam 5
sejak itulah kami putuskan untuk menikmati makan malam sahaja


kalau dah bangun pun dekat nak Zohor, caner tu
bukan semua, tapi biasalah
dah bangun, tengok member kat sebelah tidur lagi
kita tidur balik
member pun tengok kita tidur lagi
dia pun tidur balik
ulang sampai azan Zohor


alhamdulillah
sepanjang PKP berlangsung, hampir setiap petang aku beriadah
beriadah tau bukan bereakreasi
ada beza tuu
most of the time aku follow yang Bipasha Basu punya workout


sebab ada sekali warming up, cooling down
so easy for me to do it all in one go
and it only took me around half an hour
lately I add some more


nak buat abs kunon kannn hehehehe
also I add Gummy Bear dance
katanya ada yang kurus buat tarian tersebut
jadi, kita buatlah



nanti raya, in shaa ALLAH kita saksikan bagaimana kejadiannya
workout sebab nak bagi sihat sikit
kalau tak, stamina memang ke laut lah
also, sebab nak jadi manusia sihat lah kann
well, hendak seribu daya, tak hendak seribu dalih
at least I've done what I think good for myself


dan sepanjang PKP ni, banyak benda pulak tekak aku nak
antaranya, nasi lemak
nasib baik ada daun pandan kat sekitar kolej, ada santan paket
alhamdulillah, melepas laa nak makan nasi lemak


beberapa hari yang lepas, nak makan puding karamel pulak
ALLAHU, macam-macam je kan tekak ni
so I made my own pudding caramel selepas bertungkus lumus sendirian di dapur
dengan berpanas sebab aku buat cara kukus
alhamdulillah, merasa jugak puding karamel
dan sekarang pun masih nak lagi
haih


hari tu aku teringin kaki ayam masak kicap
ALLAHU, nikmat dunia mana yang dapat aku dustakan
mujur ada kakak yang berdekatan yang sudi masakkan
mostly housemates aku tak makan so called "benda pelik-pelik"
siap ada yang menjerit kalau tengok kaki ayam tu
so, aku dan sorang tu je makan kaki ayam tu
malaslah aku nak ajar orang makan kalau memang mata dia tengok pun geli
belum lagi masuk ke mulut
apalagi lalu ke tekak
entah-entah demam seminggu hahahaha


tapi kan
selepas wabak ini berakhir
do you even wonder what will happen?
for me, semua negara yang terlibat kena start all over again
like from zero, from scratch
the economies, the people, the academic related
ALLAH knows how we all will rise after this
with that, I'd like to take a step back
it's time for me to contemplate more on my life
cause we don't even know how and when our time comes


till then
ampun maaf zahir batin
phir milenge chalte chalte
ciao!


Wednesday, January 1, 2020

2020



bismillah pembuka bicara
semoga ALLAH berkati semuanya

hari pertama tahun baharu 2020
tahun yang dikatakan ada kereta terbang
tahun yang sangat aku nantikan
tapi anggaplah belum rezekiku

tahun baharu
harapnya segala negativiti ditinggalkan
semoga semakin rajin
semoga semakin sedar diri

lama rasanya aku tidak menulis disini
terakhir kali adalah selepas pentauliahan
dan aku ingin mengimbau kembali apa yang terjadi sepanjang 2019

- Pentauliahan Diraja Pegawai Kadet PALAPES UA Ke-38 di UTM, Skudai
- Majlis Makan Malam Rejimental PALAPES Darat UNIMAS di Grand Magherita, Kuching
- ke Sabah bersama lima orang skuad SPN13
- flu sehingga hari ini

ya, mungkin itu sahaja yang signifikan mengenai 2019 yang akan aku kenang
sampai mati, ya, inshaa ALLAH
kerana 2019 lebih banyak saat aku menyendiri
contemplating life, arguing with my own self
GOD knows whatever have been in my mind during last year

well, everyone is struggling in their own life
bezanya nampak ke tidak
and how they overcome it
as for me, aku masih terkial-kial
sesat, tanpa arah, buta, masih meraba-raba

tapi untuk segalanya, rasanya tiada guna untuk aku kesalkan
benda dah berlaku, whether you like it or not
there's always a new day for us to start again
reset
and do better

but honestly, aku masih terkapai-kapai
hampir saja lemas
tapi siapa tahu
sentiasa ada bisikan agar aku tetap terus teguh
dan berhenti membandingkan diri dengan orang lain
jangan pernah samakan apa pun yang sendiri lakukan
dengan apa yang orang lain usahakan
ianya takkan pernah setara
bahkan akan merosak jiwa

maaf, aku jadi puitis
di laman instagram sekalipun
aku seakan-akan tenggelam dalam dunia rekaan aku sendiri
berkata seolah aku paling benar
namun kebanyakannya adalah untuk diriku
aku marah akan diri sendiri
tapi untaian kataku seolah menuju ke arah kalian, bukan?
maaf, aku tidak bermaksud begitu
aku hanya bermonolog dengan diriku
bezanya aku zahirkan dalam bentuk kata
dan ada yang membaca
lantas mengambil hati dengan apa yang aku katakan
bukan maksudku begitu
aku hanyalah memarahi diriku
bukan siapa-siapa

hmmmmm...
2020
tahun yang aku impikan aku akan menamatkan zaman bujang
pada tarikh yang kukira terlalu indah untuk diabadikan sebagai kenangan
02.02.2020, hari Ahad
hari yang ku angankan akan menjadi saksi termeterainya lafaz ijab dan kabul
antara aku dengan whoever-he-is

ya, mungkin DIA tahu aku belum bersedia
aku punya rencana, tapi calonnya tiada
tarikhnya sudah kusematkan, namun wang untuk belanja aku tak punya
lalu bagaimana majlisnya harus kulangsungkan?
walhal aku masih bergelar pelajar
pelajar tahun akhir yang seharusnya bermati-matian menyiapkan tesis
bukannya berangan seperti aku

sungguh aku tidak menyangka
2020 dan aku masih tidak punya apa-apa untuk dibanggakan
benar, kata-kata itu doa
maka marilah lakukan transformasi
bicara yang sebaiknya
sepertimana kau sedang berdoa
lafazkan yang indah-indah semata
berhenti menggunakan "nothing to be proud of" sebagai pengenalan diri
banggakan diri, tapi usah terlalu mendabik dada
banggakan kedua orang tua, namun biarlah terus menunduk malu

maka dengan itu, aku akhiri kalam
dengan harapan aku akan berubah
tapi harapan tanpa perbuatan hanya tinggal harapan
berbuatlah, pastinya harapan dan impian menjadi kenyataan
inshaa ALLAH

ampun maaf zahir batin
semoga semuanya mendapat husnul khatimah
aamiin ya RABBAL 'ALAMIN