bismillah

actually I did write something else

but then I decided to keep it to myself

because of the recent case 

so this is not the right time

to share something like that

part of me reminds myself about 5th verse of ikrar kesatria

it's raining now and I'm struggling to keep myself warm

because I did turn the AC on

memanglah sejuk kan?

oh, sebenarnya aku nak share gambar

tapi entahlah kan

paranoid sangat

better be safe than sorry

orang zaman sekarang bukan boleh caya

so nanti-nantilah aku share

kalau aku rasa nak share

hey, it's Sushi Bonanza week!

and I did going twice already hahaha

tak lupa jugak, semalam birthday anak buah aku

dah setahun dia hidup

sabarlah nak, don't grow up so fast

nanti dah besar, nak jadi kecik balik

entah apa bendalah aku nak merapu tengah-tengah malam ni kat sini

dah lah

tak ada idea ni 

tido lagi bagus

adios!

hari ni Spotify bagi 2020 Wrapped

jadi aku nak share sikitlah apa yang aku selalu dengar dekat Spotify aku

basically I have spent 24 417 minutes listening to Spotify

amazingly my top artist is Ustaz Dzulkarnain

and followed by Linkin Park

it's nothing to be proud of, of course

and this #2020Wrapped is nothing to prove

at least for me

my top song was "Had Enough" by G-Eazy

well, it's just me, nothing to do with people around me

and I kinda did listen to "Humko Hamise Chura Lo" quite a time

I mean, we all have our own preferences to everything in life, right

so you do you, and I do me

just respect each others' choices

that will do

after seeing this list made by Spotify

sometimes I wonder, why do I listen to that particular song almost every day

and every time I listened to Spotify, why did I listen to the same song?

but we can't change how we are, can we?

like lately I've been into French songs 

but Spotify didn't really count that, maybe they did but why bother?

what I'm trying to say is sometimes we tend to change ourselves

just to prove to everyone that we are not what statistics showed us our true colour

we can always be in denial

we don't want people to see us as vulnerable as we thought people does 

and to change ourselves just to be that perfect person is tiring

but we still do because we are afraid of what people think of us

which actually means we are afraid of ourselves

this is me talking about myself

I did thought of this image of myself after knowing my #2020Wrapped

I don't want to share it at first 

but actually no one cares about me

so I did share it on my instagram 

of course with some insecurity of being judged by my families and friends

this image I'm talking about is maybe some of my friends thought that I'm an open book

or maybe someone extrovert

but what if I'm an unpredictable open book? 

you know for sure what open book is, but sometimes you can't read it

because it's cryptic and complicated

yes, I do have trust issues

like a lot

and while typing this made me teary

I don't know if I want to continue opening up in this blog

but this always make me cry

never fails

that's it, I don't want to talk about me too much

people don't notice, don't bother proving yourself

just let it slide

no one cares

adios