I'm Wa!

Welcome to my world of thoughts. Most of the time, actually I'm just talking to myself. Oh ya, I love foods so much and I hope I can share some useful recipes in here besides my thoughts. Thank you for visiting!

Friday, November 20, 2020

Memories



bismillah

ini bukanlah lirik lagu Maroon 5 yang famous tahun lepas
it's just something yang aku tengah fikir sekarang
this is an update for another day of my boring life
it was scheduled, yes
kenapa? sukati akulah kan :P

past days, I'm forcing myself menghafal satu lagu French ni
kelakar sebab effort gilaa nak menghafal benda yang aku tak reti baca, tak reti sebut
aku dah install app Memrise untuk belajar French dengan lebih lanjut 

so this is the song with the title Si T'es Pas La by M. Pokora
actually before this I've heard his song Juste Une Photo De Toi back in 2016
that song was released in 2010, and I was 6 years late
this Si T'es Pas La was released last year and luckily I watched MTV EMA 2020 winners
that is when I found out about him because he won Best French Act 
in that MTV EMA 2020 video was Danse Avec Moi 
that song really made me smile for no reason
don't mind me, I can be this weird 



Si T'es Pas La by M. Pokora


you guys can watch the video and yeah, Google the lyrics up
I won't provide the lyrics here because it will take time for you guys to read
French can be difficult, right?
I just want to share with you guys that my favorite part starts at 2:37 where the lyric goes something like this ... 

        À toi
        Qui ne m'entends pas
        À toi
        Qui n'es toujours pas là
        À toi
        Qui fais valser mon cœur
        Pour toi
        J'n'aurai plus jamais peur


fuhh, aku menghafal part tu sebab aku rasa cool dan makna dia pun syahdu deep jugaklah
dan disebabkan rumah ni punya wifi masih tak helok lagi 
aku terpaksa pakai mobile data aku sebagai wifi untuk laptop aku
oh, ni nak cerita kenapa post ni tajuk dia gitu

sambil aku layan game Cooking Diary sebab nak push rank bak kata gamers sedunia
aku nak jimat bateri fon tapi nak dengar lagu
so aku bukalah lagu dekat laptop aku 
lagu yang kinda outdated sebab aku pakai Spotify sekarang
tak mainlah download-download lagu dah 
kira macam tak relevan dah zaman sekarang

but then, banyak je lagu-lagu yang aku simpan tu
aku macam kenal, macam pernah dengar, ada yang aku tak pernah dengar pun
pastu aku wonder sendiri
lagu yang once upon a time selalu jadi siulan semua orang
sekarang tak ada siapa heran dah dengan lagu tu

pada akulah kan, lagu-lagu or even movies yang aku pernah dengar dan tonton
semuanya ada nilai estetikanya sendiri 
boleh menyingkap beribu memori, berjuta perasaan
ibaratnya sekarang aku tengah dengar lagu "Flashlight" nyanyian Jessie J
fuhh ni tahun bila punya lagu
apa yang aku ingat tentang lagu ni adalah movie Pitch Perfect 
dan tahun aku menghabiskan diploma

like I told you guys in my previous post
2015 was hella great year
seriously banyak kenangan masa tu 
dan kebanyakan kawan-kawan diploma aku dah beranak pinak dah sekarang
aku tak kisah sangatlah kan
rezeki masing-masing, ikutlah

and then sampai sekarang, lagu "Flashlight" tu masih ada yang nyanyikan
cuba bayangkan lagu yang tak berapa nak famous
agak-agak ada ke orang ingat?
dan tahun ni, to be honest terlalu banyak lagu yang merapu
terutamanya lagu yang dipopularkan oleh aplikasi TikTok
ugh, habis rosak lagu yang menggamit memori

kalau aku dengar lagu or tengok movie
aku suka untuk fahamkan diri aku tentang apa sebenarnya nak disampaikan oleh pembuat lagu or filem
kat situ aku boleh belajar macam-macam
but well, terpulang kepada pendapat individu
ada yang suka macam tu, ada yang suka macam ni
ikutlah masing-masing
aku tak boleh nak paksa semua orang berfikiran macam aku

sekarang aku tengah layan series "Crown" dekat Netflix
tengah Season 2 padahal sekarang dah Season 4
tak apa, slow-slow nak digest cerita tu 
sebab melalui series tu, aku belajar yang jadi anak raja ni payah
I mean, some of us mungkin nampak "oh, anak raja, untunglah kaya" 
hakikatnya, anak raja ni dia kena fikir cakap-cakap ahli parlimen, rakyat jelata sebelum buat sesuatu
like dorang tak ada kelebihan macam rakyat biasa 
what they wear, what they do, semua orang dah siapkan 
macam senang, tapi bosan, tak bebas

dalam series ni jugaklah aku belajar quote paling deep kononnyalah

To do nothing is the hardest job of all, and it will take every ounce of energy that you have 

tu pesanan nenda Queen Victoria kepada Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II masa awal-awal jadi queen
lepas tu bila ada masalah negara disebabkan oleh ahli politik buat taik
Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II told her PM masa tu something like her grandmother did

To do nothing is often the best course of action

punyalah nak emphasize tugas seorang raja atau permaisuri ni bukanlah untuk fikirkan hal remeh-temeh yang hanyalah memeningkan kepala mereka
mereka ada negara untuk dijaga, bukan perasaan siapa-siapa
jadi kadang-kadang bukan raja atau permaisuri ni tak tahu atau tak kisah
banyak benda lain yang perlukan perhatian
hati sendiri pun belum tentu ada orang jaga
macam YDPA masa Tan Sri Muhyiddin nak isytihar darurat 
baginda YDPA kena fikirkan rakyat, bukannya nak jaga hati ahli politik
sebab tu darurat yang tak diperlukan tu tak diluluskan oleh baginda


hmmm aku ni kalau merapu, macam ni lah jadinya
entah apa-apa entah disembangkan
elok-elok cerita pasal lagu, movie, tetiba beralih ke hal politik
hmmmm bosan sangat dah ni 


oh aku ingatkan nanti nak up lah sikit-sikit gambar dekat sini 
menghiasi blog yang bosan ni
mana tahu ada yang baca, berminat nak jadi PSS (pegawai simpanan sukarela) 
tapi sebelum jadi PSS kenalah merasa jadi kadet dulu
jangan risau, kalau sejenis yang keras hati tapi boleh dengar arahan orang tu sangatlah dialu-alukan


sembang pasal things related to army thingy macam ni kan
kesian pulak aku dengan junior aku
patutnya tauliah tahun ni
tapi disebabkan covid, kena tunda pentauliahan dorang
tak ke naya tahun depan pentauliahan dua kali?
kesiannn kesiannn 


okay, that's it
phir milenge chalte chalte
ciao!





Wednesday, November 18, 2020

A Little Throwback Wouldn't Hurt



bismillah

with "Gone" by Blake Rose as my background song, I'm gonna write this post while reminiscing about this blog
this blog started back in 2011, when I was 16y/o 
and now, I'm 26
but I don't think I write as much as I should for 10 years old of blog
and my blog seems so mundane 

but whatever, it's just a place for me to rant, to lash out
somewhere that I know people wouldn't really know about me
now "If This Is The Last Time" by LANY is playing
this song goes to those who knows me in real life
we could have been better, but well, life goes on

2011 was kinda sad, because someone I knew passed away
I never knew, actually we never really know that any moment could be the last time we see each other
that is one thing that teaches me to kind to anyone, no matter what
at least if it's the last time for us to do something good, ALHAMDULILLAH
we never know about future, right?

2012 was my SPM year, my first-time-working-year
another year for going away, but not that far
tahun yang buat aku frust bila I've done my best but still no one appreciate 
like duhh, you're not getting that 4 flat, so why would people bother?

2013 was my first-SonyZR-year 
actually I wanted Sony Z1, but well, it wasn't cheap and money don't grow on tree
also I'm amazed how I was actually thought about everything back then
it's funny why I didn't want a Samsung or an iPhone
should've gone with iPhone HAHAHA you dumb

2014 was my internship year 
and ALHAMDULILLAH, I still keep in touch with them
they are nice people, sometimes they are just acquaintances that may be useful 
I was paid while interning there, and most of the time I do filing jobs
it's boring and well, that's what intern do

2015 finally I finished my diploma years
although not with flying colors, but at least my pointer is quite good
"well done, beta" might be something that I'll never hear 
I also got my driving license this year and well, it's not too late, right?
I think this year also a year where I started working
so stressed that made me lost weight 
so many movies I watch this year and one of them was Inside Out
and now I'm thankful for 2015 
ALHAMDULILLAH




2016 wasn't in the list of my blog
yup, I didn't post anything to update my life that particular year
that was the year where I'm applying to further my studies
the year where I decided to join Reserved Training Officer Unit (ROTU) Air Force under Royal Malaysian Air Force 
I always wanted to be in uniform and this was an opportunity for me
sumpah buat muka tak malu je masa tu, buat hati kental sikit lah
so many things happening in 2016 but I didn't even write a thing about it 
what a waste!

2017 was almost the same like 2016
I wrote only one post but it was so short and random
like it was nothing
now I'm mad at myself
eeeeee.... geramnya kenapa tak tulis blog hari-hari
oh yea, this year two of my sisters got married
dan aku tak ada tulis apa-apa langsung 
biasalah, more to Instagram masa tu




2018 was the year where I got two beautiful nieces
one was born in February, and the other one was in May
I don't want to share their photos as you know what it is "evil eye", right?
I can be that paranoid but better be safe than sorry, right?

2019 was last year
the happiest year (at least for me) where I was commissioned at UTM by HRH Crown Prince of Johore, like OMGGGGGG my dream came true
tak sia-sia aku bangun 0430H semata-mata untuk berpanas depan HRH Major General Tunku Ismail
ingat senang ke nak tengok anak raja depan mata ouuuiii 
then my eldest sister got married this year 
sempatlah berkumpul ramai-ramai sebelum majlis
tahun 2019 jugaklah aku merasa macam mana Majlis Makan Malam Rejimental (MMR) or simply called as Mess Night by those who served in ATM 
tahun ni jugaklah aku rasa sedih sebab most of my squad dah habis belajar, konvo
happy for them but it's kinda sad that our time has up  
sedar tak sedar, Covid-19 start it's mission
ughhh




2020 hampir ke penghujung
tahun yang aku expect I will get married
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA jokes on you 
konon nak tarikh cantik sempena birthday sendiri 
it's true, the date was a mirrored number
02022020 dan hari Ahad, what a perfect date for something like that
tapi berangan je lahhh jemah ooiii 
nak kahwin, pergi cari duit sendiri
jangan nak susahkan anak orang

tak lama lagi nak Disember
tapi aku cuma ada 6 (termasuk ni 7) post
patutlah blog ni takde sapa nak lalu
cubalah buat resipi ke review movie elok-elok ke
konfem ada je yang lalu
oh ya, blog aku ni takde iklan kan? 
seronok ah kalau nak nengok resipi ke apa
nantilah kalau aku rajin sikit
sebab tengah serabut dengan entah apa-apa dalam kepala ni
benda simple tapi entahlah kan
kalau benda dalam kepala ni boleh tunjuk kat orang
orang pun nak muntah agaknya

well, panjang jugak sesi terobek aku pasal blog ni
tak nak baca tak apa lah
aku pun tak letak iklan sini sebab tahu memang tak ada sapa nak baca
perasan je ada orang nak curi idea ke identiti ke apa
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA banyak sangat tengok movie ni

ok adios 
ciao! 
phir milenge chalte chalte
I used to say that at the end of my blog 
it means "we will meet again as time goes by"
lebih kurang macam "sampai masa nanti kita jumpa lagi" 
haa gitu
kkkkk aku nak tidur ni 
bonne nuit 

Saturday, November 7, 2020

Random Rant on Parenting



bismillah

aku dan random bukan sesuatu yang asing
jadi, hari ni aku nak buat satu post yang kinda random sebab lately I've been thinking about it
p.s: this post might be annoying for some, because of my Manglish, but whatever
last night, no, earlier this morning I watched Kids Baking Championship on Food Network
obviously that was the only channel that I can tolerate when I'm at home
so it was actually a finale for those three kids 
which one of them would be crowned as Kids Baking Championship Season 6 (if I'm not mistaken)
that little girl name was Paige and she was 11 years-old

perhaps you guys still wondering what is so random about this post
please read until the end, and you'll know
the moment when the judges screaming Paige's name, I was in that awe moment
maybe more to "awwwhhhh" moment
which almost happy, sad, jealous, all in one
I mean, she's only 11, and won about USD 25K for what she's passionate about
while me? 26 years-old, sitting there and looking so pathetic 
not that I'm not grateful for my life
but it could have been better, right?
it always can be better than what I have right now

even when I'm watching Ninja Warriors, sometimes I get that feeling too
I'm jealous of how the contestants' families cheer for their loved one
Restaurant Impossible? that will always make my eyes teary
although some of them were underpaid, overworked, and even had a fight with each other
but at least they are still together to pursue the same dream
get it now?

once upon a time, when I was a little girl
I used to admire those in uniform
because people respect the uniform more than the people itself
growing up, I was forced to do things that kids my age wouldn't be able to do it
but I can because I was being told that I'm not like the other kids
and somehow I blame that for taking away few inches from my height
because if I had that ideal height, being in military or police is the first thing I'd do
but I can't because I'm obviously too short to enlist and people like to make fun of my height  
other than that, no one in my family, especially woman, ever be in that field

you know, this random post is actually to highlight that
sometimes family or maybe parents can be your dream crusher too
perhaps your parents wanted you to be a teacher because they are teachers
some of parents always pushing their kids to get a place in government sector because they used to be government's servant
they know the perks being one, and the probability of not being fired for whatever bullshit you'll do
I mean, why, as a parent, anyone would force their kids to go through whatever they have been through?
we live this life differently
and our paths will never be the same no matter how hard you try
because at the end of the day, are you happy with that?
as cliche as it gets, some might answer with "as long as my parents happy, I'm more than happy"

happiness is nothing to do with what others feel about you 
your happiness matter and even if you're trying so hard to please people around you
they will always compare you to someone better
and you will always struggling to find that happiness
if that is your definition of happiness, carry on
little did we know, those who are struggling to make others happy
they are really, really, really lonely inside 
it's like they have a hole inside their heart
and nothing can fill the void as long as they rely on that definition of happiness

ever watched 3 Idiots where Aamir Khan is the lead role?
yes, that is how our society is
always trying to mold our kids to become what we cannot be
never ask what are they want to be
it sucks you know?
having your own dream, and your own parents didn't gave their blessing
I mean, it's more heartbreaking that the parents never listen to their own kids
and goes around telling people that they know their kids better
while when at home, the kids always in their own room 
not even spending time together
right, if that is what "I know my kids better"
I have no argument because I'm not a parent yet
and to be one, I know, it's hard
emotionally, mentally, spiritually tiring
that is why I think that I'm not fit to be a parent
well, at least for now
because I don't want my kid(s) to feel whatever feeling that I've been through

I want to be there with them, no matter what situation it is
I want they love me more than they love their friend
I want to always be their ears to listen to how their days going
and I want that they will always remember me 
even if I'm dead, they still reliving the memories of me
I want that kind of bond, love, and appreciation
and for that, I won't go against whatever they want to be
as long as I'm the first person they're letting know whatever they have been through
as long as they remember that we will be together till forever and hereafter

maybe I'm being ridiculous
but whatever
I don't want to be a dream crusher 
if you can't support, at least bless them 
pray for their best, be there with them
be it their recital or just a friendly match for their soccer team
shout it out loud that they have your support no matter what people say
either they are winning or losing, it doesn't matter
what matter is you are there with them, for every moment
kids remember every single thing
and it will be their core memory
which always be in their mental image of what kind of person you are
you'll surely set an example in their mind that one day they want to be like you 
or maybe better, and who knows if you'll live long enough to see you grand kids?

what I'm trying to say is love begin at home
kids is the consequences of act of love, right?
some may not, but God forbid, I hope they will be loved
unloved kids will grow up thinking that they are just a burden, unwanted, and unappreciated
some might become heartless, emotionless 
some might become too fragile to handle
life is already hard
just don't make it hard for your kids by denying their need of your love
and when you're old, you blame them because they ignore you
remember, you ignored them first

till then
I'm sorry if I'm too random, being so sensitive
y'know what I mean
take care, stay healthy, and stay safe everyone!