Bismillah

In a few days, I won't be here
I mean, I'll join the training
For commissioning after three years being cadet officer
I am so excited yet so nervous
There are so many things I've been thinking about lately
Regarding this event and almost everything



Being a cadet officer was my very own decision
Well, people said, "to be or not to be"
You choose, right?
So I chose to be a cadet officer not long after I entered university
Actually, I was tempted by the allowance that they promised
Ka-ching! Ka-ching! Ka-ching baby!
Little did I know, blood, sweats and tears are the foundation of that "ka-ching"
Also, I were too lazy to join any other extra co-curricular activities in order to fight for college residence like thousands of students in my university
I don't mind the distance of my college that absurdly far from my faculty
As long as it was walking distance to the shopping mall nearby
And if you imagine I'm spending my weekend hanging out with my friends at that particular shopping mall
You are not wrong, but partly, yes

I spent my weekends very well
With waking up as early as 0430H in the morning
Getting ready in line before our seniors does
Getting punishments for something that too small for normal people to care
God! I swear, during that time, it was really hell
I hated everyone and whatever they did
I told myself that they are so wrong on so many levels
But some part of me, trying to calm me down
And keep on telling me, "this too shall pass", "one day you will miss all of this"
That's what keeps me going strong
I'd be lying if I said it was a smooth journey all the way up until now
No, it was a bumpy and very rocky road, I tell you
There's time, I almost gave myself up
Because from what I see, people never listen to me
Like I don't even exist

And there's my falling time
I were struggling to keep up with the rest of us
I personally really want to thank Nor Hafizah Busman for whatever she did when I was trying to get back after my failing moment
She was the one who accompanied me to that place
We were walking and with no umbrella, we just don't care
I almost lost my way but she was there
God bless her for whatever she did to me

...

to be continued

Bismillah
Tulisan hati yang sekian lama menangis
Mohon air matamu tidak menitis
.
.


02072019

kadang ada keraguan
kadang ada kerisauan
begitu juga kewalahan
dan juga kegelisahan

tapi apa kau tahu?
alasan kau sama seperti dulu
"kau tak pernah nak bagitahu"
mari sini aku beritahu

aku tak mahu bebankan kau
saat aku bercerita mata kau melilau
kau bicara padaku, "jangan kacau"

kau buat aku terkelu
kau jerkah macamlah aku batu
lantas aku pilih untuk membisu
tanpa kau sedar, hatiku mula keras membatu

kutanamkan dalam minda
ku takkan sesakkan jiwa sesiapa
walaupun kau keluarga
kerana siapa mahu bertambah derita
dengan cerita yang menyemak telinga

bila aku semakin dewasa
kau bilang aku kurang ajar
kau kata kelak aku dibalas karma
aku senyum senget saja

kau sedang merasainya
kau saja yang tak sedar
karma kepadamu kerana menyisihkan aku
jadikan hatiku batu
buat lidahku kelu

tapi kau tak mahu tahu
kerana kau rasa karma hanya berlaku
pada yang sedang berlaku
bukan yang sudah berlalu
ah, sudahlah labu
sampai bila pun kau takkan restu
hanya kerana aku bukan kesayanganmu

...

Aku ingatkan nak suruh seseorang nyanyikan
Dalam versi rap ke
Lepas tu intro tu boleh lah dimulakan dengan something like someone have been thinking for too long
Then as the ending, can someone recite doa untuk ibu bapa
Biar meremang sikit hehehehe
At the very end, someone whispers "I love you both, ma, pa" 


Ohemjiii aku excited gilaa
Tapi takde bakat untuk menyanyi huhu

Sekian
Ampun maaf dunia akhirat
gebai