bismillah

with "Gone" by Blake Rose as my background song, I'm gonna write this post while reminiscing about this blog
this blog started back in 2011, when I was 16y/o 
and now, I'm 26
but I don't think I write as much as I should for 10 years old of blog
and my blog seems so mundane 

but whatever, it's just a place for me to rant, to lash out
somewhere that I know people wouldn't really know about me
now "If This Is The Last Time" by LANY is playing
this song goes to those who knows me in real life
we could have been better, but well, life goes on

2011 was kinda sad, because someone I knew passed away
I never knew, actually we never really know that any moment could be the last time we see each other
that is one thing that teaches me to kind to anyone, no matter what
at least if it's the last time for us to do something good, ALHAMDULILLAH
we never know about future, right?

2012 was my SPM year, my first-time-working-year
another year for going away, but not that far
tahun yang buat aku frust bila I've done my best but still no one appreciate 
like duhh, you're not getting that 4 flat, so why would people bother?

2013 was my first-SonyZR-year 
actually I wanted Sony Z1, but well, it wasn't cheap and money don't grow on tree
also I'm amazed how I was actually thought about everything back then
it's funny why I didn't want a Samsung or an iPhone
should've gone with iPhone HAHAHA you dumb

2014 was my internship year 
and ALHAMDULILLAH, I still keep in touch with them
they are nice people, sometimes they are just acquaintances that may be useful 
I was paid while interning there, and most of the time I do filing jobs
it's boring and well, that's what intern do

2015 finally I finished my diploma years
although not with flying colors, but at least my pointer is quite good
"well done, beta" might be something that I'll never hear 
I also got my driving license this year and well, it's not too late, right?
I think this year also a year where I started working
so stressed that made me lost weight 
so many movies I watch this year and one of them was Inside Out
and now I'm thankful for 2015 
ALHAMDULILLAH

2016 wasn't in the list of my blog
yup, I didn't post anything to update my life that particular year
that was the year where I'm applying to further my studies
the year where I decided to join Reserved Training Officer Unit (ROTU) Air Force under Royal Malaysian Air Force 
I always wanted to be in uniform and this was an opportunity for me
sumpah buat muka tak malu je masa tu, buat hati kental sikit lah
so many things happening in 2016 but I didn't even write a thing about it 
what a waste!

2017 was almost the same like 2016
I wrote only one post but it was so short and random
like it was nothing
now I'm mad at myself
eeeeee.... geramnya kenapa tak tulis blog hari-hari
oh yea, this year two of my sisters got married
dan aku tak ada tulis apa-apa langsung 
biasalah, more to Instagram masa tu

2018 was the year where I got two beautiful nieces
one was born in February, and the other one was in May

I don't want to share their photos as you know what it is "evil eye", right?
I can be that paranoid but better be safe than sorry, right?

2019 was last year
the happiest year (at least for me) where I was commissioned at UTM by HRH Crown Prince of Johore, like OMGGGGGG my dream came true
tak sia-sia aku bangun 0430H semata-mata untuk berpanas depan HRH Major General Tunku Ismail
ingat senang ke nak tengok anak raja depan mata ouuuiii 

then my eldest sister got married this year 

sempatlah berkumpul ramai-ramai sebelum majlis

tahun 2019 jugaklah aku merasa macam mana Majlis Makan Malam Rejimental (MMR) or simply called as Mess Night by those who served in ATM 

tahun ni jugaklah aku rasa sedih sebab most of my squad dah habis belajar, konvo

happy for them but it's kinda sad that our time has up  

sedar tak sedar, Covid-19 start it's mission

ughhh

2020 hampir ke penghujung

tahun yang aku expect I will get married

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA jokes on you 

konon nak tarikh cantik sempena birthday sendiri 

it's true, the date was a mirrored number

02022020 dan hari Ahad, what a perfect date for something like that

tapi berangan je lahhh jemah ooiii 

nak kahwin, pergi cari duit sendiri

jangan nak susahkan anak orang

tak lama lagi nak Disember

tapi aku cuma ada 6 (termasuk ni 7) post

patutlah blog ni takde sapa nak lalu

cubalah buat resipi ke review movie elok-elok ke

konfem ada je yang lalu

oh ya, blog aku ni takde iklan kan? 

seronok ah kalau nak nengok resipi ke apa

nantilah kalau aku rajin sikit

sebab tengah serabut dengan entah apa-apa dalam kepala ni

benda simple tapi entahlah kan

kalau benda dalam kepala ni boleh tunjuk kat orang

orang pun nak muntah agaknya

well, panjang jugak sesi terobek aku pasal blog ni

tak nak baca tak apa lah

aku pun tak letak iklan sini sebab tahu memang tak ada sapa nak baca

perasan je ada orang nak curi idea ke identiti ke apa

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA banyak sangat tengok movie ni

ok adios 

ciao! 

phir milenge chalte chalte

I used to say that at the end of my blog 

it means "we will meet again as time goes by"

lebih kurang macam "sampai masa nanti kita jumpa lagi" 

haa gitu

kkkkk aku nak tidur ni 

bonne nuit 

Bismillah

Please enjoy the video first before reading

Haa, meremang tak? 

Terharu tak?

Ah, tak apalah

Aku yang berpanas hujan ribut petir sebelum hari kejadian

Video tu terhasil setelah almost two weeks we've been training

Practice makes perfect kata orang

It's been 16 days since I've been commissioned as 2nd Lieutenant
Or in another word is Leftenan Muda PSSTUDM 
After 13 days of suntanning sessions, I am with the 38th Batch that will be commissioned

This year, we were commissioned by HRH Crown Prince of Johor, Major General Tunku Ismail Ibni Sultan Ibrahim
I am beyond thankful to ALLAH
As our days of training have been so cloudy, rainy and not-so-sunny
Even during the day of our commissioning parade, the weather was very calming
And I'm not going to lie that I am crying a little when HRH Crown Prince of Johor mentioned that he is commissioning us as Pegawai in ATM (Angkatan Tentera Malaysia) on the behalf of His Majesty Yang DiPertuan Agong



I'm in no place to be proud of myself if it wasn't for people around me that has always been there for me
First and foremost, HIM and my family
Even there's time Mr Ayahumi questioning me about the training and what can I do after I graduate
Well, I thank HIM so much that some of my plans weren't going to drain
There's some, but yeah
Why should we focus on negative things that we couldn't change?

And now, here I am
Listening to Linkin Park radio on Spotify
Because I felt quite down lately
Maybe it's just hormone, I don't know

I've been feeling all these feeling for a while now
Helpless, unknowingly missing something and someone, and I just wanna cry myself out

I miss those training days where I have no time to feel this kind of feelings
Where I used to laugh with my squad who loves to make fun of each other
But with no hard feelings, we laughed at each others' stupid jokes
Done with training, and sometimes this kind of feeling surrounds me
Suffocating me with the indescribable feeling

Perhaps when I signed up to be a part of ATM
I'm actually paving the way to unfold myself
To be vulnerable yet indestructible
To be someone that looks tough
But deep inside, fragile and was made of glass all the way through
Maybe that was the side effects after been training like some kind of animal
Heartless, savage, and violent
To cover that we all are delicate, needed attention and care
And mostly, need to be loved

I'm sorry this entry became too emotional
Because I'm in a state of confusion
I'm excited and missed my training days very dearly
But all I feel right now is alone in the crowd
With Linkin Park's songs in my ear
I feel the world doesn't agree with me
But I don't really care
I just want to live, day by day
Because I'm too tired to live helpless like this
I just want to rest

That's it
Ampun maaf dunia akhirat
I'm sorry

Fuyooo... lama gila aku dah tak berkisah kat sini. 

Busy mengalahkan menteri. 

Hmmm... 21 Mac ni karang, result kuar. 

Aku tak tau laa cenggana rupa result aku tu. 

Haraplah ala-ala pelangi. 

Jangan berbelang udah lerr..

Meantime, aku nak wish kat kawan aku yang sama keja ngan aku. 

Nama dia Faezah. Tapi aku sempoi je panggil dia Pija. 

Hari ni besday dia. So, congrats! 

You're 18 now... sekati kau laa nak buat apa lepas ni. hahaha <ada ke cenggitu?>

Bila aku tengok my bestie's blog, wow... her blog kinda awesome. 

Tak macam aku punya. Purbakala punya blog. Hampeh.

Aku harap sangat yang lepas dapat result aku terus dapat sambung belajar. 

Rindu gila tahap babuntal cipan arr nak belajar. 

Dah muak dah nak kerja. 

Bosan tahap cerebrum pun longgar dah. 

Ok, itu meraban.

Aku nak tulis apa lagi, ek? 

Kontang dah idea aku ni sejak aku kerja macamlah aku ni workaholic sangat. 

Hakikatnya aku ni eataholic + sleepaholic adalah. 

Eh, ada ke frasa tu? Taram aje laa.
Ok, ini klise. Bosan sungguh laa aku ni. 

Dah, berenti baca coretan aku. 

Baik ko tekan ikon 'home' tu daripada kau terus membaca. 

Sawan apa...

Di malam sepi pak ali jual sapi,
Sapinya lepas pak ali jual kipas,
Kipasnya koyak pak ali jual tempoyak,
Tempoyaknya basi pak ali jual nasi,
Nasinya enak pak ali jual anak,
Anaknya hilang pak ali jual gelang,
Gelangnya patah pak ali jual getah,
Getahnya putus pak ali terus mampus...
~ini tanda-tanda yang aku rindu gila dengan zaman bebudak aku dulu.~

Bebudak zaman sekarang, mana reti nyanyi lagu ni. 

Yang depa tau, angry bird, smurfs, lagu Salena Gomez 'Love You Like Love Song', paling cikai pun depa konfem akan nyanyi lagu Wondergirl 'No Body'. Heck!
Ketara sangat yang bebudak zaman sekarang ni, apa pun tak boleh!

Rindunya aku nak main jadi, main teng-teng, batu seremban, zero point, main 'england-thailand-scott-away-inside-outside-inside-out', main getah pemadam, main sorok-sorok, yang paling canggih waktu tu, permainan Beyblade.
Pergh! Kalau bawa g skola, konfem kena rampas oleh cikgu. 

Beyblade mahal woo waktu tu. 

Hehehe... zaman aku tak main gasing coz beyblade ada. 

Layang-layang pun macam terbang tidak mahu, mendarat pun tidak juga.

Dah laa.. Malas aku nak meraban tetengah malam ni.
Esok keja. K laa...
Chow dulu...

Oookkey... hari ni hari kedua dalam tahun 2012. 

Agak janggal laa nombor 2 kat belakang 201 tu. 

Last year kan 2011. Tapi sekarang dah 2012.

Hmmm... macam biasa. Tak ada apa nak di raikan. 

Masa Awal Muharram hari tu dah doa supaya tahun 1433H akan jadi the greatest year ever. 

Coz tahun 2012/1433H ni result SPM kuar and benda tu yang menentukan kerjaya aku <in fact ALLAH yang tentukan>

311211 mencatat sejarah. Cheh... apa kemenda ntah yang sejarah sangat. 

Selain daripada birthday sesapa, 31 Disember 2011 adalah hari aku mula bekerja. 

Memula memang tersangat dahsyat rasa awkward bila berhadapan dengan orang yang aku tak kenal <macam zaman sekolah cenggitu>. 

Tapi bila dah okey-okey, okey je.



Dan bila dah bekerja, aku tak ada masa langsung  dah nak duk nganga  depan tv or apa. 

Kerja, kerja, kerja, kerja dan kerja. 

Tapi tak apa laa. 

Aku ingat nak buat memacam bila dapat gaji. 

Perahsan! Baru berapa hari kerja dah berangan sampai ke asteroid.

2012 would you be my most memorable year I ever had? 

By the way, kenapa ramai sangat orang duk predict yang tahun ni adalah doomsday? 

Iya ke? Tapi setahu aku kiamat berlaku pada hari Jumaat dan 12.12.12 bukanlah hari Jumaat. 

Aneh laa orang yang buat andaian tu. 

Macam saja je bagi orang muda macam aku ni hidup seolah-olah 12.12.12 tu betul-betul kiamat. Bahangang!

K,  aku blah dulu.. Chaow!~